Nanny Notes

Westminster Dog Show, Reds are In!

2010-02-16T15:23:00.004-05:00

LIVESTOCK APLENTY

ALL WITH RED HAIR!

Nanny Molly reports:

Darlings! Reporting to you from Madison Square Garden where the first day of the Westminster Dog Show is in progress and Red is the new Black! The redheads are everywhere, preened, pruned and pampered. Goodness, it is a sea of saran wrap on the curls and hair spray in the air!

Two strays were hanging around but after no one noticed, they got in a scrap and were asked to leave. Without treats.

Total Body Scan Questions

2010-01-03T14:05:00.004-05:00

In a word, No.

Readers, why the upset over the total body scan that will be required of all of us? A public view of our glorious bodies as our great Creator made us! How marvelous!

We can wait in line at airports content with the knowledge that every nook, cranny, fold, scratched surface of dry skin patch, and private rash will be seen in full view of our fellow passengers. It gives opportunity for what I like to call The New Intimacy. We'll be able to dispense with the small talk with our seat mates.

"Hi there! I'm Nanny Molly,"

"Hullo."

"Wait a minute...I remember you on the scan! Yes! You're the one with the immense beer belly!"

"Uhhhh"

"Those nuts falling out from the folds were really something weren't they? My goodness! I loved the way the kids scattered to grab them -- like pigeons in San Marco's. [light chuckling]

There's nothing to be frightened of, Readers. Simply step your lovely slender and delicious self into the imaging booth.

Everything is documented. Especially your inner power.

Rockathon 2009 Cancelled/Nanny Tina Missing

2009-12-31T17:15:00.007-05:00

The annual NannyWorld Ball was called off this evening by Nanny Molly.

"Half of the team is missing, so it's onto other ways to bring joy to our lives this year," Nanny Molly announced.

"I suggest that you donate generously to homeless Tribeca nannies who are struggling now. Nanny Tina has a mission that you will all understand when it comes to light. In the meantime, party on and as you gyrate and drink yourselves into oblivion, remember to bless this unique Nanny who has brought us so much wisdom and joy. May she have a safe return to New York and all her devoted friends, fans and readers! Happy New Year!"

Meanwhile somewhere in Yemen

i-reporter spots Nanny Tina at JFK

2009-12-31T16:02:00.006-05:00

As joyous celebrants were preparing for the Ball Drop tonight in Times Square, Nanny Tina was spotted by our NW ireporter, Harv from Far Rockaway. "I was just hangin' out at JFK with my Nikon and whoa, there she was! I asked what the hell wuz goin on n' she said one word: Yemen

In Limbo, but not the Limbo Rock

2009-12-31T15:56:00.002-05:00

Waiting to see if the NW Rockathon Ball goes on tonight, fans search for Nanny Tina, whereabouts unknown.

Meanwhile the lithe and lovely Nanny Molly practices her moves.

Rush Limbaugh attack!

2009-12-31T13:27:00.006-05:00

Good afternoon, Listeners around the globe, we are coming to you from Fox News Headquarters [giggling] O goodness! Sometimes a girl has to make compromises for the sake of the news. Rush Lowbrow is unavailable in Hawaii after someone poisoned his poi, [more giggling] and we jumped in.

Nanny Molly! This is serious. Rush is serious. Poisoned poi is no laughing matter!

Right. Right. Okay let's get on with it.

We are breaking in here to also tell you that the Annual NannyWorld Ball, this year a Rockathon, may be cancelled, postponed or otherwise downsized. Its future is uncertain and ticket holders wait for news.

The switchboard at NannyWorld Headquarters is frozen with callers and our own man in the Control Booth today, Dominic "The Tooth" Dominici, is inconsolable. If the screen goes blank it's because he has given in to another crying fit. Dominic, steady.

The infamous and adored Nanny Tina is in hiding. She is rumored to have locked herself into the Red Door, the famed Elizabeth Arden salon for beauty treatments.

Crowds in Times Square wait for news of the event. Many sleeveless and from the South, endure the winter day in hopes of attending the famed event.

The Season of Merriment

2009-12-18T22:53:00.006-05:00

Nanny Tina and Nanny Molly seen with anonymous man at a holiday party last night.

It is the holiday season and NannyWorld hasn't forgotten its loyal readers and synchophantic followers. We are so busy here with corporate gifting, signing cards and licking stamps, it's a wonder we can post at all!

We want to take a moment to exude and extend our love, beauty and greetings to you on this Eve of Christmas. May the hope brought by an innocent babe in the dead of winter night be borne to you this year. We are part of the great circle of love and that is undying and unyielding in the face of darkness. Beam out, friends! Beam out your goodness! Beam out your kindness! Make the world shine with your love and creativity! That's why we are all here.

Love and kisses to our fans,

NannyWorld

A Thanksgiving Message from Nanny Tina

2009-11-26T11:00:00.008-05:00

FLY HIGH !!

I, Nanny Tina, has been busy wit MBF--Multiple Boy Friends--

but I gotta stop da shtup-- uh uh uh I gotta get back to my duties as co-CEO

of NannyWorld International an issue dis decry to all:

ALWAYS FLY HIGH!!

I loves you all an always have, always will!!

Our National Day of Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T19:58:00.003-05:00

Dear Readers,

Once again we celebrate a moment of pause and are granted a chance to still our competitive hearts and commodity-questing yearnings for a day. We sit with families, friends, even in-laws at tables overflowing with food and good cheer. We raise glasses and toast our loved ones grateful for what we have and mindful that even during these difficult months, our friends and family are an abiding joy. Join NannyWorld in the gratitude that we have life and that we have each other. Happy Thanksgiving!

World Trade Center 9/11

2009-09-11T07:49:00.001-04:00

We will never forget.

Weekend WrapUp

2009-08-22T20:29:00.002-04:00

Construction goes slowly.

Nanny Tina Driveby

2009-08-07T15:23:00.003-04:00

a glimpse of the short entrepreneur who has maintained her wealth in spite of the failing fortunes of others

Moon Landing Remembered

2009-07-20T10:36:00.008-04:00

Yes, Readers, with the passage of time, we can tell you the truth.
What the conspiracy paranoids only guessed at.
What NASA didn't want you to know.
The truth is is a fond memory for us at Nannyworld.
The photos tell all.

We came in peace.
And still do,
on this, the anniversary of our ability to reach for the stars,

Nanny Tina and Nanny Molly
your guides through the outer spheres

Meditate on This

2009-07-18T13:54:00.005-04:00

Andy Warhol and Liberace died in the same year. Both were blonde and in show biz.

Michael Jackson and Walter Cronkite died in the same month. Walter originally wanted to be a song and dance man. Michael was.

Sarah Palin resigned as governor and a huge unidentified blob appeared in the waters off Alaska. A coincidence?

Supreme Court Nominee Is Grilled by Senators

2009-07-16T19:18:00.000-04:00

NannyWorld Honors Michael Jackson

2009-07-07T12:23:00.003-04:00

Folks, dis day cannot pass witout a NannyWorld Tribute to da King of Pop, Michael Jackson.
Whatever you do, Michael, don't rest in peace up dere in heaven--shake your bootie and sing out LOUD cause me, Nanny Tina, still gotta dance down here on eart!!

Bless yer soul and music. (also tanks for popularizing our new NW line of gold tongs but dats another story for another time)

From New York: The Fireworks! Live!

2009-07-05T01:26:00.004-04:00

Nanny Molly in The New York Times, again!

2009-07-04T17:00:00.004-04:00

from the New York Times, anonymous woman with lovely legs announces that Lady Liberty's crown is open to visitors, July 4, 2009

Happy Birthday, America!

Goodness, Readers, Nanny Tina and I are everywhere today. As usual we are in demand --advice about grilling etiquette*, christening two battleships, a submarine, and a skiff off City Island (Nanny Tina owed a favor to someone named Sal the Trap), appearing on CNN about poor Michael and now we are on our way to send to you a live feed from the NannyWorld International Headquarters Roof so you can know what it feels like to be special and have the best seat for the fireworks.

* Yes, Readers, you should wear gloves when eating fried chicken, but only if your hostess is doing the same. Be guided by the obvious. And no, no, no, never eat corn-on-the-cob with dentures. Other diners do not want to see your teeth alone attached to the corn and out of your head. Please! Use your intellect and think of your dining partner.

In Memory of Michael Jackson

2009-07-03T01:08:00.002-04:00

Our own Dominic The Tooth expresses his heartfelt sorrow at our loss of Michael Jackson.

Governor Mark Sanford's Girlfriend Revealed!

2009-06-25T09:36:00.009-04:00

NannyWorld is the first news organization to reveal the identity of the Argentinian love-object of the guilt-ridden Governor of South Carolina. In a trembling voice, the freshly tanned Republican Governor Mark Sanford told of his troubled heart. Here you see, for the first time, what led him astray. NOTE TO PARENTS: children should leave the room.

Jon & Kate Divorce: A Nanny Comments

2009-06-23T11:44:00.005-04:00

Nanny Molly, reknowned mystic, advisor and Midtown style guru

Hello, Darling Readers,

We have four comments on this newsworthy (if you must resort to watching reality shows because you have no life and no friends -- at NannyWorld we try to serve even you)

event:

1. It was Kate's hideous haircut that caused Jon's wandering eye. Please, Kate, find a stylist if you want to remarry.

2. Jon needed Prozac starting in Season 1. Was there no doctor on set? Or an empathetic gaffer?

3. Kate is bossy, and with a bad hairstyle, what did she expect?

4. Had this befuddled couple had two or three nannies, they would have had time for each other and none of this would have happened.

In conclusion,

They made a fortune,

They could afford to come to New York and go shopping,

They have now joined the ranks of other Americans who let their children's psyches be destroyed because of their own narcissistic needs.

And, they did it 8 times over!

Rainy Day by Dominic Dominicci

2009-04-14T13:47:00.002-04:00

EXCLUSIVE! EASTER PARADE 2009

2009-04-12T10:18:00.002-04:00

Seen in this exclusive video from our on-scene photographer is the appearance a few minutes ago of Nanny Tina and Nanny Molly. It is just a clip so don't blink.

Dominic the Tooth Makes a Cartoon

2009-03-27T06:43:00.000-04:00

Nanny Tina avoids the Swiss Gigol's charm

2009-03-10T09:40:00.003-04:00

Helg Sgarbi: Sgarbi's most high profile victim was BMW heiress Mrs Klatten, a married mother of three who he seduced and swindled out of £6.2 million. He had tried unsuccessfully to woe and wed the international self-made heiress and entrepreneur Nanny Tina, but failed to consummate the relationship prior to the nuptials, as is Nanny Tina's requirement. Authorities say this led him to the more innocent BMW heiress. Photo: REUTERS

The 44-year-old wined and dined a string of rich wives and widows, including Germany's wealthiest woman Mrs Klatten, winning their confidence and then asking for money. But not Nanny Tina.

The spirited entrepreneur and Co-Ceo of NannyWorld International was interviewed in Wing Mai's Nail Salon on 83rd and Madison, where she revealed only the following:

"Given dis economy, a guy's gotta be able to keep his margins up when ya need em, if you get my subcutaneous drif here. I ain't marrying a loser. Scram, Helg, I sez. Go find a car company, they're doin' about your speed, limp and disappointing. Hey, not dat red on da toes! I want crimson rose. Okay, interview over."

A National Call to Service! NannyWorld International Introduces NannyWorld--Da Pornshop!

2009-01-19T21:18:00.003-05:00

Hello dere! it is I, Nanny Tina answering da national call to service put fart by our new President Obama, a personal friend of both Nanny Molly and me.

Folks, we knows times is hard. We been working for months tryin to save da economy. In fact, Nanny Molly has been doin daily service at Bergies since Lehman Brothers tanked. I have come up wit da brilliant idea of an old fashion neighborhood pornshop where--if ya hurtin a bit---we will take a few of your tchotchkas and give you some monies for dem. Until you can get back on your feets. No interest unless you're Bernie Madoff.

So come by da Garment Center an drop off a few pounds of gold. Remember: at da NannyWorld International Pornshop no one goes unserviced.

Thank you, and Gawd Bless America.

What? What?.......whaddya mean I need a dictionary..... Bonchuk! Howdaya work dis spellcheckers?.......

QUEENS OF THE NANNIES! and Happy New Year to all!

2008-12-31T23:54:00.004-05:00

The Queens for the New Year are: Nanny Tina and Nanny Molly !!

and from us to yous may all yer dreams come true!

Gunn and Blitzer duke it out

2008-12-31T23:48:00.002-05:00

Gunn-- this is my competition, Blitzer, not yours. I will be Queen of the nannies tonight!
Blitzer--Gunn, I have been waiting for this my whole life. This year: it's my turn.

Gunn and Blitzer: the time is soon! The announcement is near! who shall it be??

Gunn -- is my hair in place?

Blitzer-- forget your hair! I've got facial hair to worry about!

Gunn-- this is why you never win, you scream too much

Blitzer -- I scream? I'm known as the swankest wolf on the set!

Director-- OK dat's it! you twos off da set. Here comes da real announcement!

Arlene Bonchuk considers her options...

2008-12-31T22:50:00.003-05:00

If it's a slow year, maybe she'll take off for her timeshare in St. Vitus. Or maybe she'll throw in the towel and start working on her screenplay based on the life of St. Rose of Lima. Maybe she'll join that group of nice people that shove God is Green recyclable brochures under her door. Or join Wrestlers and the Women Who Love Them Anonymous just for the company. Maybe she'll take up pottery. Or open her own business selling condos in Bayside.

It's a big world out there. Anything is possible in 2009.

and now a word from our sponsors...

2008-12-31T22:48:00.002-05:00

Let the Swank Begin...

2008-12-31T22:45:00.003-05:00

Folks-- we flash to a swank and sofisticated scene unfolding right now in mid-town. Nanny Bela is hitting the boards complete with her headplate, while Eduardo Waxman, hipster, prowls for loose women.

New Years Resolutions

2008-12-31T22:33:00.003-05:00

Folks lets paws a bit and tink about da New Year. We're gettin a new prez, we're goin broke fast, and -- as Tommy Friedman told me personally -- wes in a percussion. We gotta get our values in order like why buy retail when ya should be buyin wholesale? Credit? Dump it! Do like Nanny T-- pay cash. Banks? Droppin like flies. I say invest in durable goods. Like Spandex. And remember to love your friends and family even if dey drive you crazy cause frankly dat's what dey is supposed to do. Who else should do it? The dry cleaner? No-- I got Nanny Molly to drive me meshugga. Dat's what she does. Also drives a good bargain at Bergies but dat's another story.

So dat is my message for all yous for 2009. Friends Family and spandex. An now back to da NannyBall.

earlier today

2008-12-31T21:26:00.005-05:00

Hopes were high

but as nannies from all neighborhoods in Manhattan started to receive termination notices, the mood turned to a sullen dismay soaked in a desire for fervent and unrepetent partying.

Sycophanny Sidebleck, formerly employed by Livingston Winston Jr. and his wife, Pubby Jones-Spent Winston, gave a yeowl of freedom, "Praise th' Lord! Praise th' Lord! Sweet Jesus!" she howled and tossed her clogs into the dismal afternoon sky as gray snow started to fall on Duane Street in Tribeca. "Let em eat th' diapers!"

Unable to name the children's names, she would only say that there were two of them and she couldn't recall their gender.

We caught up with Tasmin Reubenstein, who has decided to take her $200 severence check after ten years of service and with her savings move to Ithaca where she plans to study Turkey Breeding and Culture at Cornell's Agriculture School.

Oreyskiyia Vlayrinszyk, a Bulgarian Nanny, now unemployed, said she plans to connect with some "friends in Brighton Beach" and get a rest from taking "care off deez spoilt kapitalizt childrenz." Wearing an ankle-length mink and a large, very large diamond ring, Ms. Vlyrinszk, assured us she knew how to take care of herself.

Other's, like Nanny Bela, the oldest living Nanny in Manhattan, had words of wisdom for us all:

"Jus tink," she said, "da secret off da...."

and then she fell silent.

Nanny Bela started to snore as the snow fell on her wrinkled face and the plate protruding from her ancient skull.

Even in times of peril and uncertainty, we mustn't lose sight of the timeless cycle of events and the joy of The Nanny New Year's Ball.

Times Are Desperate

2008-12-31T20:56:00.002-05:00

Spotted on 9th Avenue just south of Times Square, Dominic the Tooth hawks tickets to the Annual Queen of the Nannies Ball.

Bernie Madoff-- the escort?

2008-12-31T20:33:00.003-05:00

All eyes are on Midtown as the Nannies prepare to enter the 2008 NannyBalls. The big question on everyone's lips (although it ain't sanitary) -- will Bernie escort Nanny Tina? Rumor has it she was the only executrette in New York who actually made money from Le Scandal Madoff. How? you ask. Two words, sez Nanny T: offshaw.....

Silk or satin....

2008-12-31T18:54:00.001-05:00

... that is the question. Oh what to wear....

Sofisticated riddems ushers in 2009!!

2008-12-31T17:31:00.003-05:00

Let Nanny Tina show yous how to do da depression in style! Swank and Sofisticated begins da NannyBall of 2008. Hit it Maestro! Hit it Maestro? Hello Maestro? Listen you dere wit da stick in yer hand-- better start da music cause my girdle is snappin...

The 2008 NannyBall Theme !!!

2008-12-21T17:06:00.003-05:00

Swank Style and Sofistication

we may be in da red but it's Black tie all the way!

Nanny Tina explains: Times is hard, but we can still party like it's 1929 sos get out your top hat and tails -- also a brassiere or two and featers -- dis NannyWorld Ball is gonna Break da Dow!
Tink Harlow ... Astaire... da Nannies! Swank it up and remember: every penny goes to a good cause.

Us.

Darlings!

2008-12-08T11:11:00.004-05:00

What a year we've had at NannyWorld!

So little blogging but so much fun in our adjustment to a new neighborhood and our entrance into theInternational Spandex Market. We own it all now, every last stretchy thread. It won't give in to Nature's forces, it won't biodegrade, it is quite simply the fabric for life into perpetuity and we own it all!

Here's a pic from the past to remind you that soon the NannyWorld

Annual Queen of the Nannies Ball will take place in the Garment District on New Year's Eve. Put it on your calendar, Darlings. Nanny Tina is going to announce the theme in the coming days. So much excitement, you may not be able to bear it.

Kisses,

Nanny Molly

First Female Four-Star General

2008-11-14T22:09:00.003-05:00

Nanny Tina Becomes First Female Four-Star General

WASHINGTON (AP) — Call it breaking the brass ceiling. Nanny Tina, after 33 years in the Army, ascended Friday to a peak experience never before reached by a woman in the U.S. military: four-star general. At an emotional promotion ceremony, Nanny Tina looked back on her years in uniform and said it was a credit to the Army — and a great surprise to her — that she would make history in a male-dominated military.

"Thirty-three years after I took da oat as a second lieutenant, I haf to tell ya dis is not exactly how I envisioned my life unfoldin'," weeping and fiddling with her medals she told a standing-room-only auditorium crowd. "Even as a young kid, all I ever wanted t' do was have some good looking boyfriends, get married a few, okay, more than a few times and do well in retail."

Barack Obama Votes

2008-11-04T16:22:00.006-05:00

New Yorker and confidante, Nanny Tina, advises the Senator on his secret ballot early this morning.

YOU VOTED, DIDN'T YOU?

Paul Krugman Wins Economics Nobel

2008-10-13T11:22:00.001-04:00

By CATHERINE RAMPELL
Paul Krugman, a professor at Princeton University and an Op-Ed columnist for The New York Times, was awarded the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences on Monday. He immediately credited his Muse, a diminutive derivative known in economic circles as Nanny Tina.

Mr. Krugman received the award for his work on international trade and economic geography. In particular, the prize committee lauded his work for “having shown the effects of economies of scale on trade patterns and on the location of economic activity”. Nanny Tina taught me everything I know about scale and patterns. She was the first to introduce the theory of horizontal stripes on love handles, demonstrating that such patterns encircle and uplift rather than expand and spread, Krugman giggled hysterically

Mr Krugman has promised a sizable share of his winnings to the Home for Ex-Nannies, a half-way house Nanny Tina runs in the Garment Center.

Nanny Tina : Bring on the Nannoconomy!

2008-09-26T12:24:00.004-04:00

In a surprise move that stunned Wall Street and Main Street, Nanny Tina -- Titaness of Fashion and Business-- urged a move away from the dollar to the Nanno: a spandex-based currency. Who needs democrats or repubicans and all dese plans and dis fighting while da poopoo hits da fan she screamed at a boisterous rally. Peoples! Put your money in da Nanno. Spandex stretches to fit any situations and it'll outlast a nuclear bomb. Plus it comes in nice colors. I say: NANNO REVOLUTION!!

The press is reporting a surge in unitard purchases. Stay tunned for more on the Nannoconomy.

Homeland Security Can Read Your Mind!

2008-09-23T15:02:00.009-04:00

FOX NEWS TELLS US:
Homeland Security is now testing the next generation of security screening — a body scanner that can read your mind.

Most preventive screening looks for explosives or metals that pose a threat. But a new system called MALINTENT turns the old school approach on its head. This Orwellian-sounding machine detects the person — not the device — and searches your body for non-verbal cues that predict what is on your mind.

The Palin Interview Continues

2008-09-20T13:52:00.013-04:00

Hello, Readers, Here we are in our most northern state with the nation's potential Second Family, unless of course, Senator McCain comes to an untimely end, as Governor Palin has suggested, and it does indeed become the nation's First Family.

Goodness! This is history! We need a deep breath! In...out...in...out...in...out... Stop that, you in the checked shirt!

We just came from church and a delicious rummage sale and luncheon in the hall. Very festive. Crepe paper, paper plates, chewing with ones mouth open and tobacco spitting. Governor Palin promises Nanny Tina and I her recipe for Moose en Gelee with Raspberry Quinelles and a frothy Reindeer Testicle Remoulade.

What? [Aside] The Pepid is in my small green bag, Nanny Tina. No, you don't need your stomach pumped. Give it a few minutes.

Well, let me step back and tell you how this happened.

Dominic the Tooth's simple manner -- no big words, a big appetite, and a familiarity with firearms -- convinced Governor Palin to sign on for an exclusive with us. In fact, she was eager to talk.

And, of course, she did! We waited to air this until the Wall Street storm settled temporarily. Here Readers, you have the interview uninterrupted.

Now then, Governor Palin. In person you look neither like a pit bull nor a pig.

Oh thanks sooooo much, Nanny Molly. I read NannyWorld regularly. I'm here to talk about issues the voters are concerned with. The important things, ya know.

It is the question on everyones lips. What is the brand of lipstick that you support?

In a word: Maybelline. The best mascara, especially at 40 below.

And, next, how often do you and Todd have marital relations?

Let me be frank, Nanny Molly. We don't. I'm a Christian. I say, thanks, but no thanks. We haven't slept in the same bed fer years. Messes up my hair.

Where did your children come from then?

Cloning. Though let me state for the record, I am categorically against messin' with God's plan. These were just experiments for the good of my party and my campaigns. Did I tell you that I said thanks but no thanks to the Bridge to Nowhere? Yep, I did.

Lehman Brothers Collapses!

2008-09-14T21:43:00.002-04:00

Nanny Tina on the Crisis:

Folks we is facing a crisiii. Bear went down, Lehman is collapsing, I say don't panic!!
I been leveraged a few times--I even had a short position last week! In fact, I had a short position most of my life only I prefer to call it petite. Da ting is we gotta enhance liquidity. We need a collaterized borrowing facility like maybe like where we can put our money and where it can be safe while we shop or do our nails. Maybe like a bank. Den we gotta have a asset sale an a cap adjustment. I had a hole bridge adjustment and a tooth whitening as well and it made me feel great. But I didn't sell my ass. Come to tink of it i can't figga out how to do that legally... lots of dis stuff folks, is a little confusing even to me, a big shot. Anyways, so...where is we... Oh! also we gotta get a total unwind, maybe even a massage and some botox too...am I still on da air? I am? Ok well let's see...what else can we do... I know: we can put a floor under housing! Folks, who knew we didn't have floors? Honestly you could have knocked the martini outta my hand when I heard dere was no floors in houses no more, but we gotta start puttin dem in. Maybe bring back linoleum. What? More? I can't tink of anyting... wait I know it! We gotta get back da Neutral Effect!! Wear beige tomorrow. Will it help? Honey, beige never helped nothin...

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say put your money in your mattress and do your gambling at da ponies. Thank God spandex is safe.

9/11

2008-09-11T06:19:00.001-04:00

We will never forget.

Palin Interview!

2008-09-07T20:36:00.008-04:00

Hello, Readers. NannyWorld has come all the way from sophisticated, condescending New York up here to Wasilla, Alaska. Goodness, look at these amenities!

I am standing in the Wasilla Skating Park. This is one of the activities of the local youngsters. They also shoot and kill animals. What fine American spirit!

We have changed into the local dress to blend with the Wasillalytes and not arouse suspicion. (They don't like vegetarians here) We will be interviewing the Republican Nominee for Vice-President,Governor, Sarah Palin.

Stay tuned.

Palin Breaks Glass Ceiling!

2008-08-31T22:48:00.002-04:00

I knew it screamed Nanny Tina, Palin's newest PR guru, as glass showered the local K Mart. I told her, Palin--push da hair and everyting underneath will follow!

Bonchuk! Get da Dustbuster....

Governor Palin Is Queried

2008-08-30T20:48:00.003-04:00

Exclusive! Nanny Molly Interviews Two Meth Heads Right Here!

2008-08-27T13:38:00.005-04:00

Hello Readers, here we are with two gentlemen recently in the news. Tharin Gartrell and Nathan Johnson were taken into custody yesterday. Picked up because of erratic driving and odd garments stored in the back seat. Garments are so important to ones sense of self, I knew this was a story to investigate.

Nanny Molly: Gartrell! What an unusual sirname! Was it a family name?

Tharin Gartrell: Huh?

Nanny Molly: Sterling lineage! Redolent with patriots! Came over here prior to the Puritans and brought medicinal herbs back to the old world. Cured Athletes Foot. Those Gartrells????

Tharin Gartrell: Huh? [belching] Huh?

Nanny Molly: And Mr Johnson! My goodness, you look ashen! You're not on one of those fasting diets are you? May I get you a scone and some Earl Grey? And...[sniff, sniff]... What is that smell? It's nauseating.

Nathan Johnson:[scratching] Ahhhhhh.

Nanny Molly: oh

Nathan Johnson: [yawning widely]

Nanny Molly: Alright then, back to Mr. Gartrell. Your hair color, is this a political statement of protest against the Democratic Convention?

Tharin Gartrell: Ahhhhh

Nanny Molly: You're a Republican I suppose.

Tharin Gartrell: Ahhhhh

Nanny Molly: I thought so.

Darlings! Time to celebrate with Josephine!

2008-08-27T13:11:00.001-04:00

Beijing Olympics Welcome NannyWorld International!

2008-08-08T21:12:00.005-04:00

Nanny Tina practices her vault

As the 2008 Beijing Olympics open in Beijing, Nanny Tina, C0-CEO of NannyWorld International announced that, yes, she and Nanny Molly will be defending their titles. I'm a lock for da pole vaultette, the diminutive sports star declared, I'm also goin for da gold in bitch volleyba-- What? Oh. Beach Volleyball, Breasts Strokes cause what da hell I got two available, hurling, and maybe archery. An Nanny Molly will be defending her title in equestrians. An she got a horse too! I also tink she's into Synchronized Swimming wit Domenic.

Ahhh, da trill of victory....

Water Discovered on Mars!

2008-07-31T16:10:00.002-04:00

Yes, Readers, water has indeed been discovered on Mars, the Red Planet. However, the bad news is that the liquid they've discovered is discharge from all the Earth's toilets.*

*A secret program was started in the late 40s after they buried all that spent uranium deep in that mountain. They thought they could solve the future sewage problem here by trucking it someplace else, like Mars. The Roswell Incident was a crash of one of the so-called Toilet Ships.

Mood Fabrics welcomes NannyWorld International

2008-07-31T15:39:00.003-04:00

Nanny Tina checks out the supply of the exclusive Nanny World International Spandex at Mood Fabrics. I'm given dem a supply only cause Tim Gumm asked, the uber-mogul declared, we is carefully regulating da supply of spandex. Jorge here is countin every scrap. Right Jorge? He says right. Good for you Honey, yous helpin the environment. Take a little of the tiger stripes for yourself...off da books...it'll make a nice boxer short... or maybe a jock strap or someting...

Hello from The Garment District

2008-07-30T11:19:00.003-04:00

Hello, Readers All, Here we are in the Garment District with this nice gentleman who says he has is an exterminator and has a great deal of business in this area. Since I am a Jain, among other propensities, I believe that all living beings deserve a chance.

Daryl says I am trying to take his living away from him.

I say LIVING is exactly the point. Would he want to rob a waterbug or a rodent of its chance to live?

Let's move on. I have an appointment for cappuccino with the lithe and charming, Nanny Tina.

Ta-ta, Daryl.

Hello, Nanny Tina, how are you this morning?

Late, late, late! I got in a fight wit a bug guy! I dunno what he's tawkin' about. He's tawkin about Janes, n' so I sez, You mean wit Dick? N' den he sez I wuz insultin' his manhood. So I sez, lissen, big guy, if I wuz tawkin' about yer manhood, you'd know it n' I hit him wit my bag. What's happenin' to dis city?

Spandex Task Force Formed (get it? formed?!) Hahahahahah

2008-07-21T13:26:00.003-04:00

Nanny Tina leaves the 14th Precinct --dat's Midtown Sout to yous not in da know she screamed-- after announcing the formation of the new NYPD/ NWI Spandex Task Force.

Dis Task Force is for preventing the illegal distribution, illegal wearing and illegal abuse of spandex in our fine city. Listen, we all know: ya mix knocked up spandex in dis heat--ya got trouble. I myself is shvitzing right now and I'm legal! Thanks Gawd I am clutching the new NannyWorld Svitzerchief! The world's most absorbent schmatte! In all colors ! You can stuff em under your pits, even down your--- what? Oh. Da camera guy is telling me wes here to talk about the STF. Da Spandex Task Force. Let me tell you--dey will be out in force! Starting today! At Bergdorf's! Wit Nanny Molly! On Patrol! Uptown Ladies.....you in knocked up spandex? Better watch out.....

.....deys already on da job....!

The Market Is In a Dither

2008-07-11T13:58:00.005-04:00

Nanny Tina in front of Sheik Omar Ifustan, former Spandex Imir of Mugugastan

Nanny Tina is at the podium now. She is sitting on the lap of the Sheik Omar Ifustan, the Spandex Imir until he was deposed by NannyWorld's International takeover of all the world's spandex supply. Let's listen as she begins the conference.

Shake? Is dat your microphone? What’s it doin near my ass? What? What? Oh. We’s live? OK OK Someone lift me up higher. Not you Shake. OK Forget it. Just sit dere wit your sheets folded or something.

LISTEN UP EVERYBODY! Wow. That shut everyone up…!

Anyways, I have been asked to talk on the economic crisiiii and how spandex can control the economy (get it control? Spandex? Hahahahaha ya gotta laugh).

Alls I can say is I have trusted in Spandex wit all my heart since it was discovered in a garden in Weehauken in 1942. When the Shake here started to mess things up, I knew Me, as co-ceo of NannyWorld International had to steps in. So we had, whaddyacallit—a koo. Now Nanny Molly and I are in charge of the World Supply of Spandex and you can bet there will be plenty to stretch around. Hahahahahaha! That was a good one, We are part of the next generation of economic titans – Generation Spandex. Green, relaxed, natural and washable.

As for Freddie and Fannie – I’m speechless. Boys—who was watchin the store? What? You blinked and lost a few billion somewhere?

Anyways… I NOW DECLARE THIS SPANDEX WEEK!! EVERYBODY STRETCH!!!

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac In Deep Doo-Doo!

2008-07-11T13:11:00.004-04:00

from NYTIMES wire, Thursday, July 11, 2008, 1:13 PM

Special from Graecian Browne, III, financial reporter, NYTimes:

Fannie (Francis) Mae and Freddie (Frederick) Mac seen here discussing the NannyWorld takeover of the world Spandex Market. As the stock exchange reels under the weight of what appears to be a very inelastic market, a news conference from the cartel's Co-CEO, Nanny Tina is expected within hours. Stay tuned as this dire story unfolds.

MARKETS IN CHAOS!

2008-07-10T13:31:00.005-04:00

The world Spandex market has gone into a tailspin with the NannyWorld International takeover of the last remaining Spandex manufacturers in the Garment District of New York, Madras, India, and Karachi, Pakistan.

Desmond O'Leary Bimwashi, President of B. & H. Traders in Karachi, Pakistan, moaned as he sipped his chi outside the floor of the Spandex Industrial Textile Exchange.

"I've watched value snake up and dive down precipitously within minutes. It's because of NannyWorld and that crazy wild woman! What is it that she doing to us?"

Reached for comment at NannyWorld International Headquarters, Nanny Tina, through her public relations firm Byrrd Brrothers, issued this reply:

First, dis Desmond guy is an example of what globalization means. He's gotta a globularized name. Desmond O'Leary Bimwashi? What da hell is dat kinda name anyway? Second, get over it. I own it all now. Go cry in yer chi. And what da hell is chi?

NWI Announces Take-Over of Global Spandex Market

2008-07-08T11:02:00.005-04:00

Hairess Seizes Control of World Spandex Supply in a Move that Shocks Wall Street
Spandex Prices Soar. Fed Launches Inquiry Into Price Wigging.

Nanny Tina in front of the NWI Spandex Cartel

In a move that stunned even veteran stock analysts, Nanny Tina, Co-CEO of Nanny World International, seized control of 99.874% of the world's supply of spandex, and announced the formation of the NannyWorld International Spandex Cartel that will adjust the supply of the material so that "everyone can get a bit of stretch in dere life wit out bendin over backwards. Get it? Bending over backwards? Stretch? Hahahahahahaha!"

The Hairess announced that she had been in seclusion up until today with her closest advisors and Co-CEO Nanny Molly, as tense talks continued with the China, India, and Secaucus . She emerged only after "da breaktru, and when my hair and nails was done." She has named Alexander Byrrd as spokesperson for the new venture. Mr. Byrrd, a former lounge singer, has promised unending press conferences for all in the future.

Nanny Tina helps a customer adjust to stretch and vows "a spandex on every backside!"

Please Stop the Hate Mail

2008-06-29T14:45:00.006-04:00

A MESSAGE FROM NANNY MOLLY

Dear Readers who keep sending us terrible emails:

L to R: Sylvia Alyce Porter, Mrs. Megland Johanssen,Gloria J. Whitcomb-Smith, Renee Stankewitz (formerly Larry Armatucci), Lynette Spyner-Madescckwiski.

We understand that you are very, very very angry.
We know that you are serious in your destroy-rather-than-unite anger, your decimate-all-those-who-don't-wear-poorly-tailored-pantsuits anger, your drop-the-bomb-and-bring-poison-gas-to-the-Democratic-Convention anger, your spend-all-your-pension-on-out-of-town-trips-to-galvanize-a-party-coup anger, and your chant-loudly-and-boo-when-the-Obama-tries-to-speak anger.

We understand that connecting with your personal well of anger has been a discovery better than secret petting with that bad boy on the church-sponsored hayride when you were 13. It has sat there unexpressed all these years until your anger guru, Senator Clinton, came along just in time to uncork it for you.

Imagine how different your life would have been if you could have used all that emotion in your own self-development. You could have had a career, believed in yourself with gusto

and fought fearlessly for your own purposes and advancement!

You might not be as beautiful as I am, nor as sophisticated, nor as learned, nor even as tastefully groomed, but you would have self-actualized and spent your energy embracing the world rather than pissing on it.

Cordially,
Nanny Molly

P.S. Did I say pissing? No, I'm sure I didn't. Must be a typo.

Hillary carries the load

2008-06-25T11:35:00.003-04:00

Spotted downtown hear Wall Street, Senator Hillary Clinton, upbeat as always, confirmed that her overdue debts were a result of rampant societal sexism.

"Mark Penn was a man, get it?" she nodded up and down as she spoke.

"Bill Clinton was a man, see?" she went on still nodding.

"Half the voters are men, you understand????"

Mrs. McCain Is Suspicious

2008-06-24T13:01:00.004-04:00

Nanny Molly, still grieving over Tim Russert's untimely passing, has thrown herself into stalking the candidates and their wives.

The good Brother Michael McLaughlin is at a retreat, doing extreme penance after his guilt from the orange sour cream and caramel crumb cake he'd shared with Tim after a game of croquet on the archdiocesan lawn. He had insistenced on second helpings for both, saying, "Why would it be here if God hadn't intended for us t' eat, me boy!"

Dominic the Tooth, in despair, has hugged this photo for days, and was this morning admitted to Bellevue for observation after ingesting 58 Big Macs, one for each year of Russert's life.

And Nanny Tina? She is in seclusion. Whereabouts unknown. We all grieve differently but

We all loved you, Timmy!

Heat Wave Stikes Garment Center!

2008-06-10T12:10:00.003-04:00

Nanny Tina emerges from solitude to cool her uh uh whatever at Sugar Deli

Deli Owner Jesus St. Maree fears a trend: Soon I have every bottom on Eighths Avenues sittings on my milk! he screamed! Four salesmen from B&H immediately assumed their positions on the cream cheese, while Dominick Dominicci of Brooklyn, stretched out on the I can't believe its not butter.

We's in an emergency, Nanny Tina declared. Ya gotta adjusts, she said as she went back to scan the Racing Forum.

Nanny Tina Mobbed in Hell's Kitchen!

2008-05-27T08:53:00.002-04:00

Sporting her new Punk Diva Look, Nanny Tina resurfaced yesterday in Hell's Kitchen, where she was mobbed by adoring fans. One -- Myron Siedelmahn (in blue above left) -- said We consider Nanny Tina to be part of our Hell's Kitchen family even though the new NWHQ is in the Fashion Center.

Nanny Tina pinched Myron on his cheeks. Myron she asked, you like tongs?

Hillary Unapologetic

2008-05-20T21:33:00.003-04:00

As she accepted applause for her big Kentucky win tonight, Senator Clinton briefly allowed the audience to see her true self, unfashioned by delegate designers or her stern warrior facade.

"Will someone get these people outta my sight!" she begged.

Removing a feather from her teeth, she regained her focus and insisted that the man in the green sash and the short woman were not from her Kentucky demographic.

"Dammit! It's NannyWorld again!!!"

Lindsay Lohan Learns a Lesson

2008-05-09T16:01:00.002-04:00

KLEPTO LINDSAY TOOK MY CLOTHES
MODEL SAYS ACTRESS 'EMPTIED' HER CLOSET

A Los Angeles model claims mink-swiper Lindsay Lohan has a sticky-fingered history - accusing the "Mean Girl" of raiding her closet and making off with thousands of dollars' worth of clothes.

Lauren Hastings, 23, says the fashion fleecing happened last spring, when the model was out of town and her house-sitter threw a party that included Lohan. "Basically . . . my closets were emptied," Hastings said in an interview aired on the TV show "Inside Edition." Witnesses at the party told investigators that Lohan handed bags of clothes to bodyguard Jazman Bennett, who hauled the loot away. Earlier this week, The Post published a series of stunning photos that showed Lohan apparently making off with an $11,000 mink coat belonging to Columbia co-ed Masha Markova.

When asked for comment, diminutive New York socialite Nanny Tina cited Lohan's unprofessional approach to what she calls "clothing relocation". "Ya gotta tink big. Big pockets, big dresses, big handbags, even big bloomers," the Garment Center Queen replied. "I once went to a party at Mikey Bloombergs completely unpregnant and left pregnant! So what if I didn't know dere was no Mrs Bloomberg! I relocated 146 pairs of silk boxer shorts, 16 velvet smoking jackets, and a panama hat wit a blond wig attached--an no one stopped me! "

"Ptui," Nanny Tina spit, "Amateurs--deys ruining da profession..."

Darlings!

2008-05-04T13:39:00.008-04:00

Darlings!
We're back! Wipe your tears, open that bottle of champagne chilling in the frig, and rest assured that NannyWorld is here to stay, but in a new and updated location in the Heart of the Garment District. For you lo-brows, that's two blocks from Macy's, for you fans of Project Runway, that's two blocks from Mood Fabrics, for you foodies, that's six blocks from Chez Josephine and for the Theater District. For everyone else, that's in Midtown Manhattan West, just south of Hell's Kitchen, which is neither a kitchen nor Hell.

Our Nerve Center has 17 state-of-the art computers in a techno-chilled environment controlled station and our closets have quadrupled in size. We are ready to serve you, our devoted Readers, with fashion tips, gossip, politics (ooooohhh, the politics) and brilliant commentary. Joining me here are a few from our New Year's Eve Ball who still won't go home.

What??? Speak up, I can't hear you? [We are receiving a text message from Ida Martin in Austin, Texas]...Oh, Nanny Tina? I don't know where she is. I'm sure she's on her way. She was checking on the construction of the NannyWorld Welcome Center.

Get outta da street! Can't ya hear dis horn???!!!!! I'm late!!! I'm late!!!!

Pope Benedict Embraces Nanny

2008-04-19T16:03:00.003-04:00

Pope Benedict stopped his motorcade in front of Bergdorf Goodman's today to greet an old friend, Nanny Tina. The diminutive but robust divette said she was shopping for pink boots when she spotted "Ben". "We goes way back", she explained to the tongs of reporters who had gathered to witness the embrace. "Und she helps vit my shopping for de shoes. Dere iss not much in the choice vit my bunion und in red," His Holiness replied. "Nah!, it's nuttin," Nanny Tina explained, "I took him to our new Emporium, Ya Gotta Have Sole, in da Garment Center next to Girdles n' Tongs. We got sizes goin up to 23, and Heschie Buchbinder, our Sales Manager can spray paint dem any color you want."

The Holy Father put a pair of maryjanes in Rouge Enchantement on layaway, Mr. Buchbinder later reported. "But unless he ponies up the remaining $27.93, they're goin back in the sale bin."

Bloomberg Selects Official Papal Escorts!

2008-04-12T21:13:00.003-04:00

Mayor Mikey Bloomberg announced today that Nanny Tina and Nanny Molly will be the Official Escorts for Pope Benedict during his upcoming visit to New York City. The two were chosen due to their intimate knowledge of New York City hotspots and for Nanny Tina's intimate knowledge of the Pope. The Nannies have been in seclusion during their recent move to the Garment Center aka The Fashion District. The Papal Visit will mark their return to the top of New York Society.

Watch this page for breaking details.

Nanny World International Headquarters to open soon in Garment Center

2008-04-06T15:48:00.004-04:00

Sneak Peak Given to Press

While the public awaits the Grand Opening of the new NannyWorld International Headquarters, the press was treated to an advanced viewing of the mega-structure designed by mini-architect, Zit. Above, Special Ass to Nanny Tina, Arlene Bonchuk sits in the specially designed reception area on the 53 Floor. Zit has declared this his "defense of the Oval".

Below is the Nanny Tina Annex. Nanny Tina's Private Elevator is located just to the left of the picture, but she is encouraging all employees to "go green and use da stairs! It's good for da hygienic flow". Below, Customer Support Team Manager, Heschie Buchbinder is already turning green.

BOTOX WARNING!

2008-04-01T19:51:00.001-04:00

Readers! This is an urgent bulletin.

Gatekeepers to the Art World?

2008-03-30T10:24:00.004-04:00

By JAN HOFFMAN
Published: March 30, 2008

ON a balmy Saturday afternoon in far west Chelsea, the après-brunch art stroll gathers force, as the gallery tourists emerge from winter hibernation. Snippets of gossip in a confetti of languages! Purse pooches! Let’s see who you’re wearing, let’s see who’s on the walls. Springtime warmth dances friskily along West 24th.

Until you step behind the opaque gallery doors that line the block.

Here, winter is eternal. Brace yourself for the icy blast from the so-called reception desk. The gallerina sitting there will not give you so much as a once-over. Perhaps you’ll merit a flicker of a glance, before she returns to her infinitely more compelling computer screen.

Feel kneecapped? Not hip enough? You asked for the price list? You rube!

Don’t slink away. Here’s the good news.

It’s not about you.

She really is so very busy — e-mailing jpegs of artwork to collectors, writing news releases, updating a gallery’s inventory or simply ordering lunch for the staff.

“I had so much work to do that I didn’t think to look up and smile,” recalled Courtney Plummer, who started her career at the front desk of the uptown branch of Gagosian Gallery.

The exception to this rule is Nanny Tina, below, Co-Directoress of the hot new gallery in the Garment District, NWEye. Ya gotta move da merchandise she explained and ya dont do it sittin on yer ass. Nanny Tina personally kisses each personal who enters the gallery and when she is not on duty, her own gallerino, Heschi Buchbinder, is instructed to do the same.

Sometimes he spits a little when he kisses but it's all da same.

Nanny Tina in front of outsider artist, Domenic Domenicci, whose recent piece, Ma, went for millions.

24-Carat Facial

2008-03-27T11:46:00.007-04:00

The Price of Gold Skyrockets and Nanny Molly Gets an Anti-Ageing 24-Carat Facial

from the Daily Mail

For Goldfinger's Jill Masterson, being slathered in gold didn't end too well.

But a beauty company has promised that the precious metal - which it is using in a facial - has many benefits, leaving customers looking younger and banishing their wrinkles.

The Luxe 24 Karat Gold Facial uses the highest grade of gold leaf in an 80-minute procedure which costs £180 (that's a lot of dollars, Readers!). The flakes of gold leaf are laid gently on the face, before being massaged in.

The treatment's use of the metal follows a strong historical tradition. It is said that Cleopatra slept in a gold mask every night, except on the nights when either Richard Burton or Rex Harrison were visiting. She was the Eqyptian Queen of yore who died from an asp bite (also rumored to be one of her beauty treatments gone awry).

Much wiser and far more comely, New York Nanny Molly, believes that no beauty regimen is too costly.

"I wonder if platinum would be better...."

Putty Conference Opens in New York

2008-03-24T18:03:00.002-04:00

Nanny Tina joins official NannyWorld International Architect, Zit (one name, like Cher), at the opening of the American Architectural Association's Conference on sustainable materials. Zit is expected to speak on Putty-- Erection or Not? Nanny Tina likens this "miracal material" to her hair, which she claims, is indestructible and fireproof. "It's also a nice color an looks good on anyting," she added.

Plans for the new NannyWorld International Headquarters in the Garment District are expected to be unveiled shortly.

Moving On Up!

2008-03-24T14:37:00.004-04:00

Nanny Tina spotted in the Garment District, giving orders to movers while below, NWI Official Architect, Zit, builds his masterpiece entitled: Putty--the Executive Statement

Passport Files Breached at State Department!!!!

2008-03-21T14:28:00.009-04:00

Two of the employees were fired, Mr. McCormac said.

The third employee also accessed Mr. McCain’s file, but was only
reprimanded and remains employed.

On the loveseat wit...Elliot Spitzer!

2008-03-17T15:29:00.002-04:00

So peoples been askin me: Nanny Tina where you been? And Honey, sez I to thems, I been busy! Not only is we movin but I got dis guy booked 3 weeks solid on my couch or, as he keeps callin it---da loveseat.

An lookie here! He keeps showin me da size of his uh...apparaption!

Do I need dis? No! I should be out marchin in da St Pat's parade! I got on my Irish dress and girls, take a look--I got my Irish hair too! (soon available at Girdles--our new Nanny World International Fashion District Shopping destination)

So Elliot--zip it! And to Seamus--da cutie I met at Schwab placin a hundred or so on IBM in da third--meet me at O'Fartery's an you can kiss my Blarney Stone.

Darlings! I'm back!

2008-03-15T14:57:00.004-04:00

Stay tuned, Fans. I am having an intense pedicure and cucumber body mask just now. Now, now, mustn't peek....Back to you in a matter of delicious hours.

Fondly,

Nanny Molly

Role Model to Millions and now a Midtown Beauty Extraordinaire

Nanny Tina Urges Calm!

2008-03-03T23:48:00.002-05:00

Ok--da guy who trew da franks and beans at some building on Chambers Street--quit it! We is gone, G-O-N , from Tribeca! Ptui! NannyWorld International will be up and running asap--and better than never!

Nanny Riots Break Out Across Globe!

2008-03-02T11:07:00.004-05:00

Nanny Tina appealed for calm and peace as riots broke out across the world when fans of Nanny World and NannyNotes screamed for the return of their favorites! Nanny Tina -- who is singlehandedly managing NWI operations while Nanny Molly meditates--issued this statement:
Nanny Molly and Me wants you all to kiss and hug yer brothers and sisters cause we is comin back BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER! Also Nanny Molly congratulates the prisoners (see below) on their color-coordinated spring outfits. She says boys keep it up but try a bit harder on your accessories. Dat's it. OK everyone go shopping for a few days.

NannyWorld International Mega Announcement!

2008-02-25T14:50:00.002-05:00

Hello? Am I on TV? Hello? Oh! Hello out dere in TV Land! It's me, Nanny Tina here with a brief announcement concerning the NannyWorld International Conglamourous!

Billions of you, no wait, millions of yous have called in asking what da hell is goin on! Well, I'm gonna tell you: we is movin. Yes, we is schlepping all our crap outta da ruins of Tribeca to a brand new Mega - TransNational - Worldwide - HQ!

So we is busy. Dat is why our daily blog-- the celebrated NannyNotes --is a bit constipationated. But don't worry! We will be posting as we schlep! Only not as much.

And to all dem men that called in askin for Nanny Molly -- she's joined a holey nunnery.

So there.

Nanny Tina on Sub-Primes!

2008-02-20T19:44:00.004-05:00

Honey--embrace your inner Sub-Prime! I got twelve mortgages on dis joint--Chez Tina--now open in da Garment District! What can I say? When da Universe trows you cash, grab it!

Spotted in Tribeca....

2008-02-19T20:51:00.003-05:00

...the Nanny Molly Collection of Shoulderpads headed for new digs. (note: traffic on cross street had to be diverted)

NannyWorld International: The Press Conference

2008-02-18T19:39:00.004-05:00

Nanny Tina: As promised, me and Olag here are ready for your questions. Fire away.
Is it true you and Nanny Molly have been kicked out of Tribeca?
NT: Kicked out? Honey, we is running as hard as we can to escape! You heard it here first--Tribeca is done! Finished! Over!
What made you decide on the Garment Center?
NT: It's my spiritual home. I worship at Spandex House.
When will Nanny Molly make a statement?
NT: Nanny Molly is busy packin. Right Olag? Olag says right. What? Oh. He also says lift wit your knees.
Fifteen trucks were spotted outside Nanny Molly's house today---
NT: Two words: vintage Chanel. Right Olag? Yeah? OK, OK already wit da knees...
Are you romantically involved with Olag?
NT: What! The man is four feet 9 inches and wears support hose!....but Hmmmmmm...he looks good in truss...

Movin On Up!

2008-02-17T11:38:00.005-05:00

NannyWorld Fans! There's a reason you haven't seen your favs in a few days, and me, Dominick Domenicci will now explain it to you! They is movin on up! The entire NannyWorld International Empire is being moved from the ruins of Tribeca to ..... The Garment Center! Or, as Nanny Molly likes to call it--The Fashion District. Watch this space for exclusive photos of The Move as we is callin it. Nanny Tina will be holdin a press conference with Olag of Lift From the Knees Movers and Shakers within the next few hours.

Olag say bend down from knees then lift you live to 100 eat beets too

3 year old bagel wins Best In Show

2008-02-13T10:47:00.003-05:00

On Monday night, a three-year-old bagel won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club. The owner of the bagel, Nanny Tina, expressed surprise at her win: I wudda gone with the brisket, but maybe dis is a dairy crowd, she said to reporters, I gotta thank the shmear, it does it every time...

Hillary Clinton Fires Staff

2008-02-11T11:36:00.001-05:00

In a desperate move to save her campaign, Hillary Clinton fired her hairdresser. Watch this page for breaking Hillary news.

Barack Obama and the still soft voice...

2008-02-09T21:01:00.000-05:00

Obama, honey, it's me, Nanny Tina, power broker among the prime and sub-prime delegates!
People! Listen! Praise Be! The still soft...uh....the still.....the voice....uh.... the little phone has a big message from...from...
I'm in the sauna at the Garment Center Hilton---
a message from the Garment Center Hilton Praise Be!
Obama, I'm here wit Mikey Bloomberg and we got a plan!
Praise O Bloomberg!
Yeah dis is where we solved da Great Transit Strike of 2005-- or was it 2004, Mikey? Mikey ya gotta sit on a towel for hygiene ya know...
Hallelujah!
So we's both sittin here wit our neti pots and I says to Mikey Mikey why don't you and Barack form your own party! That way everyone gets a chance to run for President and since Mikey is shorter, he can be vice-president.
Change We Can Believe In!
Yeah--whatever. Da ting is ya gotta get a nice name like the Ronettes or my old group, Nanny Tina and the Cha Chas. Maybe the Obameramas!! What? Oh Mikey likes the Luv Machine--
This is a revelation! A new day for Americans!
I tink he likes it Mikey. Mikey--I tink you got your tong on backwards...

Obama Hears the Call!

2008-02-09T12:52:00.001-05:00

Brothers and Sisters... I'm hearing a Celestial Event! I do believe I hear the Voice of Destiny calling me forward to lead America! Shhhh! Be Still Everyone! .... I need to connect with The Force That Is Greater Than Myself.... Hello?.... O Angel of Divine Guidance... speak.....

Bonchuk what da hell kinda connection is dis? Call ATandT I can't hear a damn ting dis guy is sayin an trow some more of dat rum in dis here nettie pottie. I gotta massage my sinuses

Speak O Destiny! Fill me with the fruit of Your Wisdom!

Destiny? Who da hell is Destiny? Ya know I knew a Destiny Glickstein once who worked as a cocktail waitress at a gay bar in Southern Jersey called da Dairy Queen but dat's another story... Barack! Hello? Is we connected cause I gotta rinse my other sinus...

Barack! Barack Obama!

2008-02-07T21:04:00.001-05:00

Heed thy Inner Voice O Barack! Open Thy Gates Of Wisdom and Listen to that Still Soft Voice O So Close!

Will you be Ready, Brother Obama, When the Call Comes? O Barack-- Listen! Your Destiny Awaits....

(to be continued)

Spotted at Obama Headquarters--

2008-02-06T11:20:00.001-05:00

or is it Hillary headquarters? Democratic Party Adviser and Super Delaget Nanny Tina shuttles between both as she struggles to unite the party and save America. (she's also locking up the tee shirt concession).

Super Bowl Fashion Advice...

2008-02-03T14:33:00.001-05:00

...the advice you want...from the professionals who know...

Nanny Tina correctly accessorized

(I don't know who dis guy is but he's almost gettin da look right. He shoulda gone wit loafers)

Arlene Bonchuk --under Nanny Molly's expert guidance -- wears the proper shoulder pad -to -hip bone proportions.

Super Bowl Fashions

2008-02-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

Readers! Good morning!

Before we begin our seminar on Super Bowl Fashions, we first need the backstory so we can understand the rippling echoes whose extenstions manifest themselves in the primal as seen in the repulsive painted faces of the fans. To understand this, let us turn to philosopher Slavoj Žižek.

Stunned By Super Bowl Fashions?

2008-02-01T22:24:00.000-05:00

Befuddled by your shoulder pads? Hit by helmet hair? Stretched in your end zone? Let Nanny Molly guide you through the swamplands of Super Bowl Fashions as she pulls haute couture from the huddle of mid-American polyester.

(Well someone has to do it. All weekend. Dear me. Girls! Let's Make It Work! Drape and Accessorize! le fashion--c'est moi!)

David Brooks-Nanny Tina Consummation on Hold

2008-01-31T19:44:00.002-05:00

Hello? Get me da Pope. I gotta get this ting annulled. The man is still in the bathroom...

New York Times Columnist David Brooks Weds

2008-01-29T10:16:00.000-05:00

In a surprise move, New York Times pundit David Brooks married Nanny Tina today at Holy Foods in Paramus New Jersey. The bride wore a Nanny Molly Glow -In- the -Dark from the designer's spring bridal collection. The groom wore a suit with a mustard stain. This will be Mr. Brooks first marriage; Nanny Tina's 11th. The couple will honeymoon in Trenton, and then "we'll see what's what..." said the bride.

Super Bowl Sports Book

2008-01-27T19:52:00.001-05:00

HelloNannyWorldInternationalCustomerServiceHeschieBuchbinder
mayIhelpyou?
No.
HelloNannyWorldInternationalCustomerServiceHeschieBuchbinder
mayIhelpyou?
What? A Nickle on Nanny Molly Big Blue Bowls? You got it.
HelloNannyWorldInternationalCustomerServiceHeschieBuchbinder
mayIhelpyou?
Uh-huh? Uh-huh. OK. An how many Rouge Satellites...? OK You got it, one dime.
HelloNannyWorldInternationalCustomerServiceHeschieBuchbinder
mayIhelpyou?
Yeah? No, we're showin Earth by 4. Yeah? Yeah? You got it.
HelloNannyWorldInternationalCustomerServiceHeschieBuchbinder
mayIhelpyou?
Does what come with lipliner? What! Whaddyou a perv?
HelloNannyWorldInternationalCustomerServiceHeschieBuchbinder
mayIhelpyou?

US Spy Satellite! EEEEEEK!

2008-01-27T11:44:00.000-05:00

So ya hear da awful news, Maria?

Huh?

DA NEWS! DA NEWS, Maria! Putta y'glasses onna! Itsa allaova! We gonna die! Die! Dissa means dead likka Arnie da Rat! Dead!

Da skya issa fallin?! Naw, you maka joke, Cecilia.

Da sky, ittsa fallin! Dissa week or next!

I heard it onna da FOX. Da bigga news station, where dey tella justta da fax.

Da skya issa fallin?! Dissa issa terrible! Jesu, Maria, et Joseppa! I gotta a nice lasagna inna da oven n' da turkey, she gotta no stuffing yet! WhattamI gonna do?

Say good-bye to everyting we knowa. Itsa allaova! We gonna die! Foreva! Boom! Likadat! Splat!

What???? Da sky issa fallin? Not here it ain't, Ma. Take yer pills, Ma. Da little green bottle, doze pills. Take two. Youse seein' tings again.

I can't come home now, Ma. I'm helpin' da Nannies move.

U.S. Spy Satellite, Power Gone, May Hit Earth

from By THE NEW YORK TIMES
January 27, 2008

WASHINGTON — A disabled American spy satellite is rapidly descending and is likely to plunge to Earth by late February or early March, posing a potential danger from its debris, officials said Saturday.

Officials said that they had no control over the nonfunctioning satellite and that it was unknown where the debris might land.